“The Mormon Cowboy (II)”


The singer sings "Concerning Archie Barber and his unhappy state." At 22, he marries, but he has "no tool at all" and can't satisfy the girl. Her mother tells her to try him before a female jury. The marriage is annulled; the girl marries a Mormon cowboy

Supplemental text

Mormon Cowboy (II), The
  Partial text(s)

          *** A ***

From Guy Logsdon, "The Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing" And Other Songs
Cowboys Sing, #3, pp. 39-41. From the singing of Riley Neal. Collected
probably in 1968.

A story, a story, a story I'll relate
Concerning Archie Barber and his unlucky state;
He lived till two an twenty, he lived a single life,
When to his sad misfortune he got himself a wife.

He married a farmer's daughter, most beautiful, they said,
Who expected female sporting that night when she went to bed;
When she found he had no hobo, she wrang her hands and cried;
She threw her arms around him, she pressed him with her thighs.

(5 additional stanzas)


Logsdon treats this as a version of "No Balls at All." I really don't see it; the lyrics are almost entirely different, the boy is young, the girl puts him on trial before a jury of women, and she goes on to remarry a Mormon cowboy. That surely qualifies as enough reason to split the songs. - RBW

Cross references


  1. Logsdon 3, pp. 38-41, "The Mormon Cowboy" (1 text, 1 tune)
  2. ST Logs003 (Partial)
  3. BI, Logs003


Author: unknown
Earliest date: before 1976 (collected by Logsdon from Riley Neal)
Found in: US(SW)